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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Delightful if true: booby trap.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,027

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Spotted on Twitch:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

Shared recently on Threads:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

Going viral on Pinterest:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just imagine he suggests a couch without 37 decorative pillows 🛋️😱📌

board, decor, fear, home, home decor, house, humor, marriage, Pinterest, relationship, scary, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

1 month ago

angry, attitude, disgusting, every, exercise, fitness, fitness struggle, funny attitude, gym, gym life, humor, i, idea, life, meet, mood, people, self-deprecating, struggle, swamp, time, turn, witch, workout, workout mood
Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

1 month ago

adulthood, always, humor, irony, life, sleep, sleepy, struggle, tiredness, trying, welcome
Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

1 month ago

addicted, addiction, count, disorientation, Google, Google Maps, humor, maps, navigation, phone, phone addiction, screen, screen time, should, technology, technology humor, time
Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

1 month ago

battles, chores, dishwasher, empty, giving, God, humor, just, me, prayer, stop, struggle
I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

1 month ago

asked, dad, equality, family, favorite, favorite joke, humor, i, joke, love, parenting, pick, sister
Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

1 month ago

care, chicken, chicken nugget, chicken nuggets, date, food, gift, humor, love, nugget, relationship, rose, show

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Trending via TikTok:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Just shared via Slack:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Just landed via Messenger:

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Friendly reminder to drink your water and mind your business this week.

Stop letting people who are going to hell bother you.

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

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Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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