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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,622

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

Seen just now on X:

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

Spotted on Messenger:

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

Live now on Instagram:

Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

Broadcasted on Discord:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It’s called Boxing Day because you’re supposed to spend it eating boxes.

Shared recently on Slack:

If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

Seen just now on Telegram:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My parents think they know me.

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

4 weeks ago

Clever, humorous text about a surprisingly upbeat person expressing false confidence.

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Commentary:
When your spirit animal is Eeyore but you tell everyone you're living the dream 😂🙃🌧️

coping, depressed, depression, doing, emotional, emotional state, ever, good, guy, health, humor, mental, mental health, met, mood, most, pretty, self-deprecation, state

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Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Stop letting people who are going to hell bother you.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

25 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Crying at my desk while also finding time to cry in the shower makes for a healthy work-life balance.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Some people are like ads, just skip.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Just landed via Facebook:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Making waves on Discord:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Trending via Facebook:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

Spotted on TikTok:

Being a writer means canceling your plans so you have time to write, and then spending hours avoiding writing.

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Activity Log ✨

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

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Activity Log ✨

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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