Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

“I’m depressed because there’s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,505

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

We need a Disney princess who’s a greedy profiteer, so we can cheer for the poison apple.

Going viral on Instagram:

If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?

Making waves on WeChat:

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

Spotted on WeChat:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Making waves on Reddit:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Going viral on Facebook:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess she used the ol' "plants need shade" argument! 🌿😎☀️

air, air conditioning, chore, conditioning, doing, fight, household, household chore, humor, husband, i, relationship, storm, storm off, work, yard, yard work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

0

4 weeks ago

buying, Christmas, holiday, humor, i, myself, present, presents, procrastination, self-gift, shopping, stage, start, where
I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

0

1 month ago

aggression, anger, annoyance, day, discomfort, hope, humor, i, just, mad, passive, passive aggression, shoe, slide, sock, socks
As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, everything, hate, humor, normal, older, perspective, realization, realize, Smurf
Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

0

2 months ago

always, autumn, beverage, coming, cozy, forget, forgetfulness, habits, hot, hot beverage, i, myself, seasonal, seasonal habits, self-care, tea, time, winter
Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

0

2 months ago

anyone, arrogance, best, comedy, confidence, feel, free, humble, humility, humor, joke, learn, learning, me, nothing, sarcasm, satire, self-deprecating, talk, wants, witty
Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

0

2 months ago

boy, charge, favorite, humor, i, John, love, Martini, media, relationship, social, social media, Venmo, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on TikTok this month:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

51 shares on X this month:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

96 shares on Threads this month:

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

This post is highly top-secret. You need to forget that you’ve seen it immediately.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

Seen just now on Telegram:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Just landed via Slack:

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

Broadcasted on Discord:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

Just landed via Facebook:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Just shared via Slack:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Going viral on Telegram:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨