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All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while theyโ€™re in there.

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I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

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Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

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Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

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You should be able to call in sad to work.

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Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

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This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

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How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

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I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

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Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

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My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and Iโ€™m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and Iโ€™m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

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Looks like my milkshake comes with a side of free labor! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿฅค๐Ÿ’ช

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง has viewed:

Iโ€™m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

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Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

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My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

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Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

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Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

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You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

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If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

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I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

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Like most people my age, I’m 50.

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Iโ€™ve said it before and Iโ€™ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.