Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,542

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Trending via Messenger:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Just landed via Facebook:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Making waves on Telegram:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Fake laughing at work is mentally exhausting. Please just leave me alone.

Making waves on YouTube:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like my milkshake comes with a side of free labor! 😂🥤💪

boy, boys, cool, humor, joke, me, milkshake, reach, shelf, top, top shelf, yard

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

0

2 months ago

food, humor, italian, Italian food, lasagna, pizza, put, stacking, still, top, wordplay
Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?

0

2 months ago

absurdity, conversation, crisis, excuse, existential, existential crisis, finish, food, going, humor, irony, me, question, sir
It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

0

4 months ago

actually, behavior, better, cheaper, consumer, consumer behavior, crazy, diamond, diamonds, ethics, grow, humor, irony, people, price, quality, real, real diamond, special, still, suffering, synthetic, synthetic diamond, thanks, thing, value
The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

0

2 months ago

attraction, man, mentality, problem-solving, sexiest, sexiness, thing
I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

0

2 months ago

doing, drinking, dry, Dry January, humor, January, just, lips, self-care, skin
If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

0

2 months ago

dating, gulp, health, humor, i, just, looking, playful, spontaneity, vitamins, wild, wild woman, woman

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

22 shares on Threads this month:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

Absurdity is the spice of life.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

35 shares on Discord this month:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

64 shares on WeChat this month:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Call me Frankenstein the way I’m piecing it together.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Going viral on TikTok:

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

Making waves on Threads:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

Spotted on Reddit:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Just shared via Twitch:

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Spotted on Discord:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨