Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,550

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Live now on Messenger:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Going viral on TikTok:

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Just shared via Facebook:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Making waves on Slack:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah yes, the classic bedtime rebellion: giving insomnia the ultimate power nap! 😴🔄🤪

after, day, enough, exhaustion, me, me time, neurodivergent, refuse, sleep, survival, time, tired

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

0

1 month ago

class, education, ending, hello, homework, humor, i, leave, lecture, main, movie, only, point, professor, reach, reading, right, sarcasm, student, timing, yell, yelling
I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

0

2 months ago

around, attitude, badass, casual, casual attitude, chewing, confidence, enough, humor, never, self-image, toothpick, toughness, walk
I miss you (the money I spent).

0

2 months ago

financial, financial joke, humor, i, joke, longing, miss, money, spending, spent
Me going to work because I’m too honest to scam people, too shy to be an influencer, too good for a sugar daddy, and too dumb for crypto.

0

2 months ago

crypto, daddy, dilemma, dumb, finance, going, good, honesty, honesty dilemma, humor, influencer, me, media, people, personal, personal struggle, scam, shy, shyness, social, social media, struggle, sugar, sugar daddy, too, work
We literally used to write an essay by hand.

0

4 months ago

education, essay, hand, handwriting, humor, literally, memory, nostalgia, old, old school, school, used, writing
Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

0

2 months ago

answer, challenges, choices, door, give, humor, lemons, life, perspective, positivity

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

23 shares on Telegram this month:

I’d stalk me too, I get it.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

93 shares on X this month:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

There’s a weird kind of grief that comes with late August, and I can’t explain it.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Going viral on Instagram:

The void screams into me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Reverse cowgirl so I can post selfies.

Making waves on Twitch:

Netflix will help you finish spelling the name of the movie you’re looking for, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Going bananas on Discord:

Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

Spotted on YouTube:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Going viral on X:

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Trending via TikTok:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

I miss you (the money I spent).

Me going to work because I’m too honest to scam people, too shy to be an influencer, too good for a sugar daddy, and too dumb for crypto.

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨