Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
😂 "Ah, the professional act—mastering the art of looking busy while secretly plotting your next nap. Who says you can't work the system… or at least look like you're working? 🕵️‍♂️💼💤"

acting, comedy, humor, job, let, motivation, never, prevent, unemployed, unemployment, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

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2 months ago

back, expectation, humor, irony, job, just, love, relationship, workplace
Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

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2 months ago

blame, clothing, frustration, humor, jeans, mystery, shrink, wardrobe
If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

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2 months ago

being, born, culture, humor, literature, modern, name, reference, Shakespeare, today, wordplay
I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

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2 months ago

allegations, being, captcha, comedy, even, failed, fight, forgetfulness, forgot, humor, i, know, password, robot, technology
At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, age, comfort, good, humor, mattress, priorities, sleep, want
My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

0

2 months ago

addiction, book, book fair, buying, childhood, fair, humor, i, need, nostalgia, school, spending, things, unnecessary

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on WeChat this month:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

21 shares on Threads this month:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

92 shares on Slack this month:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Life is weird and then you die.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

Breaking via Twitch:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Just landed via Facebook:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Breaking via Slack:

I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

Spotted on Threads:

The phrase “Treat yourself” has ruined my bank account and waistline.

Shared recently on Twitch:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

Live now on Reddit:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Live now on YouTube:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨