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Commentary:
😂 "Ah, the professional act—mastering the art of looking busy while secretly plotting your next nap. Who says you can't work the system… or at least look like you're working? 🕵️‍♂️💼💤"

acting, comedy, humor, job, let, motivation, never, prevent, unemployed, unemployment, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

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5 months ago

AI, company, company time, humor, i, joke, never, productivity, steal, time, work
I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

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3 months ago

20s, 25, 30s, 35, actually, age, decade, humor, life, life stage, perception, self, self-perception, stage
Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

0

5 months ago

after, car, home, humor, men, minutes, question, stay, waiting, why
Unpopular opinion: I do enjoy third-wheeling if the couple is fun.

0

5 months ago

couple, enjoy, fun, i, interaction, opinion, social, social interaction, third, third wheel, unpopular, unpopular opinion, wheel
I used to have a great future in my past.

0

2 months ago

future, great, humor, humorist, i, irony, past, reflection, retrospective, used
I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

0

2 months ago

derogatory, derogatory name, driving, fly, good, humor, making, name, names, quick, quick wit, rage, road, road rage, spontaneity, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Discord this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

62 shares on X this month:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

24 shares on X this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

54 shares on Discord this month:

Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.

89 shares on Threads this month:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

30 shares on X this month:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Just landed via Slack:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

Live now on Pinterest:

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

Spotted on Discord:

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Just landed via WeChat:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

Going bananas on Twitch:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

Unpopular opinion: I do enjoy third-wheeling if the couple is fun.

I used to have a great future in my past.

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨