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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,401

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Shared recently on X:

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Spotted on X:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Spotted on Snapchat:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

Going bananas on Messenger:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

Just landed via Slack:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Making waves on Threads:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Just landed via Discord:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"That's the 'I swear I'm innocent… except that one time' dance! 💃😅🙈"

accusation, actually, anger, being, frustration, guilt, humor, irony, male, man, nobody, sarcasm, something

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

0

2 months ago

busters, culture, ghost, Ghost Busters, humor, least, movie, movie reference, music, nostalgia, number, once, phone, phone number, pop, pop culture, reference, song, think
At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult humor, American, American Dad, animation, cartoon, comedy, dad, family, Family Guy, graduate, guy, humor, life, life stage, point, show, stage, TV, TV Show
Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

0

2 months ago

comedy, great, humor, joke, only, rain, sarcastic, umbrella, want, weather, wet
Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

0

2 months ago

adventure, bed, bed rot, chill, chill time, comfort, dating, day, doing, doing nothing, favorite, hiking, introvert, just, lazy, lazy day, looking, no adventure, nothing, relaxation, rot, someone, thing, time
Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

0

2 months ago

actresses, bud, clean, cotton, cotton bud, ear, envy, face, humor, i, porn
We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

0

2 months ago

behavior, differences, fun, humor, just, naughty, others, personality

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

50 shares on Discord this month:

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

Shared recently on X:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Live now on Messenger:

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Seen just now on Discord:

A selfie only a mother could like.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Spotted on Messenger:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Not having a crush is dangerous. What am I supposed to think about? What if I invent something?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨