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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

My playlist so bipolar. We either in love, depressed, or gang members.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,660

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Just landed via Twitch:

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

Trending via YouTube:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Making waves on Twitch:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Seen just now on Discord:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Shared recently on Threads:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

Seen just now on YouTube:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Just shared via Threads:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

2 months ago

0

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to figure out if you're hot off the press or just literarily impressive! 📚😂

communication, dating, dumb, humor, i, intelligence, know, loud, me, nude, nudes, played, reading, send, video

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

0

5 months ago

chaos, fit, hell, humor, i, right, shopping, today, Walmart, wild
My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

0

2 months ago

conversation, friend, humor, i, joke, me, orange, rhyme, told, wordplay
Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

0

2 months ago

body, bowels, every, except, humor, relax, stress, time, travel, vacation
I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

0

2 months ago

admire, area, audacity, beaver, boldness, here, humor, i, just, lake, move, nature, neighbors, new, put, say, screw
The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

0

2 months ago

back, borrowing, city, debt, finance, having, humor, money, move, new, new city, pay, payback, relocation, worst
I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

0

2 months ago

aging, block, door, holding, humor, i, isolation, old, people, shut, used

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

76 shares on X this month:

You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,076

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Just landed via YouTube:

No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

Seen just now on Facebook:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Making waves on Threads:

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Spotted on Telegram:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Trending via Messenger:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Shared recently on Threads:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

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