Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,817

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

Just shared via TikTok:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Just landed via Telegram:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Making waves on TikTok:

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Spotted on Snapchat:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

Spotted on TikTok:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

Making waves on TikTok:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Live now on Instagram:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

More funny quotes 👇

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

3

21 hours ago

car, car repair, carey, cd, Christmas, Christmas CD, fine, holiday, holiday music, making, mariah, Mariah Carey, mechanic, music, noise, repair, terrible
I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

0

21 hours ago

budgeting, finance, hate, humor, i, lose, math, me, money, personal, personal finance, self blame, spending, where
December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

0

21 hours ago

calorie, count, December, diet, eating, festive, food, holiday, humor, indulgence, law
Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

0

21 hours ago

childhood, enough, family, humor, kid, kids, old, parent, parenting, problem
It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

0

21 hours ago

energy, exhaustion, humor, inside, much, retail, shopping, store, Walmart
Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

1

21 hours ago

blessing, contrast, dirty, dirty mind, face, having, humor, innocent, innocent face, mind, personality, truly
Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

0

4 days ago

9-5, 9-5 job, 95, crypto, dumb, honesty, i, influencer, influencing, job, laziness, lazy, making, making money, money, scam, self-doubt, shy, shyness, too
People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

3

4 days ago

being, frustration, hate, humor, income, job, money, people, poor, poverty, still, work, working
No ChatGPT for me, thanks. I will be asking Liam Gallagher on Twitter.

1

4 days ago

asking, celebrity, ChatGPT, gallagher, humor, i, liam, Liam Gallagher, me, media, social, social media, thanks, Twitter
The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

1

4 days ago

finance, humor, i, money, need, patience, urgency

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

50 shares on Threads this month:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

84 shares on Discord this month:

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

Glory hole but for forehead kisses.

Freshly posted on Discord:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Spotted on Telegram:

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

Freshly posted on Threads:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Just landed via Twitch:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Just landed via WeChat:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Trending via Reddit:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Trending via Pinterest:

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨