Commentary:
Wings won't help me fly, but they certainly lift my mood! 🍗😆
I was living in the moment until I was evicted.
Commentary:
Living in the moment might be rent-free, but apparently not for long! 😂🏠🚪
Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.
Commentary:
Sounds like the only race where a suitcase doubles as a personal trainer! 🏃♀️✈️💼
Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.
Commentary:
Sounds like I'm the same comedian whether I'm sipping tea or tequila 🤔🎭🥃
When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.
Commentary:
If only those energy vampires could multitask, I'd have a six-pack by now! 😂🧛♀️💪
Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.
Commentary:
Believing guys is a lot easier when they start with the right compliment! 😏💁♀️✨
Eat like your treadmill is watching.
Commentary:
Guess I better put on a salad show for my nosy treadmill! 🥗👀🏃♂️
Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.
Commentary:
When you channel your inner Zen master instead of your inner WWE wrestler 😂🪑💫
I miss you (the money I spent).
Commentary:
Missing you like my wallet misses its friends: the dollars 💸😂
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.
Commentary:
Sounds like the ultimate long-term relationship goal: professional annoyance specialist 😂❤️