Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

It was a tough year, but at least I did not buy a Labubu.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,563

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Just landed via Twitch:

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Making waves on Threads:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

Spotted on Slack:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

Breaking via Facebook:

In banana years, I am bread.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

Just landed via Reddit:

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Haha, true! Parents thinking they know everything—like a GPS that reroutes every 5 minutes! 😂🚸🗺️

child, family, forever, humor, i, joke, know, parents, sarcasm, saying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily reminder, forget, humor, ly, motivation, positivity, reminder, self-talk, tell, today, yourself
I need to consult the woods about this.

0

2 months ago

advice, consult, humor, i, nature, need, woods
If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

0

2 months ago

cancel, entertainment, future, humor, prediction, satire, show, Simpsons, TV, TV Show
When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

0

2 months ago

age, bartender, changes, counter, drinking, humor, i, know, life, life changes, me, name, pharmacist, recognition, walk, younger
If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

0

4 months ago

animal, animal behavior, behavior, cat, cats, Earth, everything, flat, flat earth, gravity, humor, joke, pet, pet behavior, pushed
Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

0

2 months ago

broke, confidence, humor, less, new, new year, resolution, self-improvement, sexy, wake, wake up, woke, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

14 shares on X this month:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

43 shares on Slack this month:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

78 shares on Threads this month:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Hi, I’m online. Would you like to argue for an hour about whether a hotdog is a sandwich?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

Spotted on TikTok:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

I need to consult the woods about this.

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨