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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΄ has copied:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡© has copied:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡΄ has shared:

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

You know the nap is good when it left you marks.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has copied:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡· has shared:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has shared:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,997

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on Threads:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Spotted on Reddit:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

Just shared via Threads:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Just landed via Slack:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Just landed via Messenger:

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, β€˜Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

Spotted on TikTok:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

Seeing yourself on a FaceTime screenshot really humbles you.

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Seeing yourself on a FaceTime screenshot really humbles you.
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Commentary:
Accidental potato sighting during FaceTime call, feeling super relatable, and might need therapy πŸ˜‚πŸ“ΈπŸ₯”

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

πŸŽ‰πŸ₯‚ New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

42 shares on Discord this month:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

78 shares on X this month:

Being an adult feels like, β€œIf I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

97 shares on Discord this month:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I feel like a wildlife photographer when I spend hours trying to capture my teenager’s smile.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I drive like I’m immortal.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

4,006

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡· has viewed:

Imagine not sighing when you think about your life.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothesβ€”one size too smallβ€”that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has shared:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has copied:

How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on X:

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

Just landed via Facebook:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My life coach traded me.

Spotted on Discord:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Seen just now on Slack:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Just landed via Slack:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

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