Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.
  • I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.
  • Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.
  • Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.
  • Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.
  • Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.