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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,362

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Seen just now on Discord:

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

Making waves on Facebook:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Seen just now on Reddit:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that Coke is in the fridge.

Going viral on Reddit:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

Trending via Pinterest:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Spotted on X:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Social media may have been a mistake.

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Social media may have been a mistake.
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Commentary:
"Who knew that 'liking' could be so exhausting? 🤳😅 Social media: the only place where it's acceptable to talk to a wall, but it's still considered socializing. 🧱😂 #Oops #MistakesWereMade"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

“Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

82 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

28 shares on Twitch this month:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

82 shares on X this month:

Nobody cleans better than someone who’s pissed off.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

People out there having five-year plans, and here I am waking up just hoping I remember what day it is.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop dating if you have no car.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,542

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Just shared via Slack:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Live now on Instagram:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Just landed via WeChat:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

Making waves on X:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Going bananas on Reddit:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

Trending via LinkedIn:

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

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