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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever watched the teams you hate be first-round exits?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Just shared via Snapchat:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Just shared via Telegram:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Seen just now on Slack:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

Going viral on Pinterest:

You’ll never see Asian parents kissing, hugging, or in any form of romance, but boom, 5 children.

Trending via Discord:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Seen just now on Slack:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Just shared via Messenger:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

2 weeks ago

Funny text highlighting the surprise of parents playing unexpected 80s tunes with playful audacity.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Seems like the oldies station is having a rebellious phase! 😜🎶 Who knew the 80s would become the new "oldies"? Time to crank up the volume and groove to some retro tunes like it's 1985 all over again! 💃🕺 #ThrowbackTunes #ForeverYoung

80s, audacity, music, nostalgia, oldy, parents, playing, station

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Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on YouTube this month:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

80 shares on Slack this month:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

63 shares on WeChat this month:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I get so embarrassed for no reason after posting on social media, like, why am I showing my life?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,702

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Trending via WhatsApp:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Spotted on Slack:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

Trending via YouTube:

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

Spotted on Facebook:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Trending via Reddit:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

Shared recently on WeChat:

An escape room, but it’s just your thoughts. Good luck.

Making waves on Discord:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Going bananas on X:

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

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