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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Making waves on YouTube:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Just shared via Messenger:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

Spotted on TikTok:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

2 months ago

0

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, dear! Looks like someone’s giving new meaning to the term "over-the-shoulder viewing." 🤭🍸 Remember, folks, a little privacy goes a long way, especially when it comes to choosing what to watch over a cocktail! 😉📺 #BarEtiquetteGoneWrong

awkward, awkward situation, bar, disgusting, humor, interaction, over, pervert, pornography, shoulder, situation, social, social interaction, watching

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

0

5 months ago

age, aging, amazing, bird-watching, birdwatching, creeps, fast, hobby, humor, nature, older, older age, pastime, surprise
Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

0

2 months ago

72h, always, belief, believe, bus, care, deodorant, fragrance, humor, manufacturers, me, next, people, personal, personal care, satire, sit, stop, writing
You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

0

4 months ago

accidentally, app, confusion, DM, DMs, fox, humor, i, know, media, reel, repost, social, social media, struggle, technology, technology struggle, tibetan, Tibetan fox
Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

0

2 months ago

acceptable, acceptable time, bad, bad time, crawl, fun, good, good time, hopscotch, humor, let, roll, time, times
Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

0

2 months ago

chocolate, humor, i, inside, joke, kat, kit, Kit Kat, open, physics, Schrodinger, surprise, uncertainty, wrapper
By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

0

2 months ago

date, humor, i, irony, meet, person, relationship, right, self-deprecation, time, timing, wrong

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

93 shares on Discord this month:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

50 shares on Threads this month:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

88 shares on Discord this month:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,381

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Breaking via Discord:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

Just shared via WeChat:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Trending via X:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Going viral on Twitch:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

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