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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,540

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Breaking via YouTube:

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Going viral on Instagram:

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Cake for president, because if we're going to ignore our problems, we might as well do it deliciously! 🍰😄

broccoli, cake, comparison, dessert, effort, fix, food, humor, least, problem, problems, say, sugar, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

2 months ago

beach, feed, grudge, hold, humor, i, irony, just, love, pet, relationship, sarcasm, take, walks
I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

3 months ago

back, Back to the Future, Doc, excitement, exciting, future, humor, i, just, looks, man, me, movie, movie reference, reference, relationship, something, want
Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

2 months ago

boy, crush, dating, flirt, humor, humor quote, i, joke, playful, romantic, scenario, think
Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

2 months ago

annoyance, bad, blood, fat, health, human, humor, irony, mosquito, nature, too
My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

2 months ago

activity, balance, control, couch, end, exercise, falling, favorite, leisure, pose, remote, remote control, table, yoga
Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

2 months ago

bed, carry, end, exhaustion, forget, humor, me, relaxation, talk, weekend, workweek

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

36 shares on X this month:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

40 shares on Threads this month:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

77 shares on Threads this month:

The final act of love is not texting them happy birthday.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Shared recently on Discord:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Just landed via Telegram:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The amount of sleeping I’ve done over the past few days has been phenomenal. I genuinely love doing absolutely nothing.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

“Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨