Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,233

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Making waves on TikTok:

It was me, I let the dogs out.

Just landed via Twitch:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Shared recently on Slack:

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Trending via Slack:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Trending via Discord:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Just shared via Reddit:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Netflix & by yourself.

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to read a book, but Twitter keeps firing emojis at my brain! 📚🚀🤯

communication, digital, digital life, distraction, humor, internet, life, mass, media, social, social media, technology, Twitter, weapon

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, contacts, deserve, hope, i, just, merry, phone, wishing, work
There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

0

5 months ago

beverage, clumsiness, coffee, cup, fear, full, hand, morning, nothing, sneeze, spill
Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

0

2 months ago

bath, care, day, dog, dog owner, funny moment, knowing, looking, lovingly, moment, owner, pet, pet care, pet owner, ruin, ruin day
Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

0

5 months ago

availability, behavior, conversation, drinking, drunk, emotional, emotional availability, emotionally, humor, i, me, please, sober, social, social behavior, stop, talking, taxi, unavailable, why
A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

0

2 months ago

accountability, arrogance, authority, ego, having, immaturity, king, narcissist, responsibility, toddler, wants
It’s not jingling to you that I’m standing on Christmas.

0

5 months ago

Christmas, holiday, holiday humor, humor, jingle, pun, standing, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on X this month:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

She is both the storm and the shelter.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

In your 20s and 30s, you’ll start rediscovering the niche interests and hobbies you had as a kid. It’s very important you revisit them. Your younger self was actually on to something.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

Just shared via YouTube:

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Trending via Pinterest:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Just landed via Slack:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Live now on Telegram:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Seen just now on Messenger:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Being a writer means knowing exactly how your story ends, and having absolutely no idea how to get there.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

It’s not jingling to you that I’m standing on Christmas.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨