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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has copied:

Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has downloaded:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ธ has copied:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ผ has shared:

I will never stop being a quitter!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ has downloaded:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ด has downloaded:

Itโ€™s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

Many people love saying, “Get these away from me,” after eating a few chips.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,578

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Live now on X:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Live now on Slack:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Just landed via Instagram:

Got an email from my bank saying โ€œis your 401k enough to retire onโ€ and itโ€™s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Breaking via Twitch:

I no longer need an alarm clock because Iโ€™m over 40 and have a bladder.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an โ€˜egosystemโ€™.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

Breaking via Instagram:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

Live now on Snapchat:

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

Breaking via YouTube:

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

Broadcasted on Discord:

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Witty quote about draining energy and gaining weight, humorous and playful in tone.
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Commentary:
If only those energy vampires could multitask, I'd have a six-pack by now! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿง›โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ’ช

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Social Media Stars โญ

26 shares on Threads this month:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

74 shares on Telegram this month:

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

16 shares on Discord this month:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Introducing WifeChatโ„ข, the app where you talk to your wife.

60 shares on Discord this month:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until Iโ€™m kind again.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

For as long as that song was, youโ€™d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

To save money in this economy, Iโ€™ve tried eating out and Iโ€™ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. Itโ€™s syncing right now.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,353

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ has downloaded:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡บ has shared:

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฐ has shared:

Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ has downloaded:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฑ has bookmarked:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡บ has downloaded:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has downloaded:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Freshly posted on Discord:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I donโ€™t know whatโ€™s more funโ€”grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

โ€œIโ€™m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.โ€

Breaking via Threads:

I need a weighted blanket that wonโ€™t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Trending via YouTube:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).

Shared recently on Instagram:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

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