Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Just another day of not being hot and rich.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I have no issue with people talking in the morning. But not with me, please!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,395

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Trending via Reddit:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Going viral on Telegram:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Breaking via Threads:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Going bananas on Threads:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Going viral on Facebook:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Art museum ticket saved! 🖼️😍 You belong in a gallery! 🎨❤️

art, art museum, attraction, compliment, flirty, humor, i, just, museum, romantic, stare, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

0

2 months ago

art, feet, humor, martial, martial art, mastery, self-care, shower, wash, washing, washing feet
You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

0

3 weeks ago

bit, evil, girl, humor, important, little, lose, me, meet, relationship, strange
I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

0

2 months ago

again, bag, blood, blood pressure, fit, free, handy, humor, i, irony, kit, never, once, pressure, relatable, stuff, take
Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

0

3 months ago

ant, ants, anything, busy, colony, fact, funny fact, half, humor, i, just, learned, looking, much, only, pretend, pretending, respect, task, today, work, worker, worker ant
They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

0

2 months ago

airline, cigarette, funny idea, humor, idea, people, plane, section, should, smoking, suggestion, travel, where, wing
Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

0

5 months ago

arab, Arab perfume, arrival, chill, cultural, cultural reference, exaggeration, fragrance, humor, knows, perfume, reference, scent, street, zero

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Instagram this month:

Hi, I’m online. Would you like to argue for an hour about whether a hotdog is a sandwich?

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I didn’t forget about you; my algorithm did.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Seen just now on Threads:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Shared recently on X:

I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

Just landed via Telegram:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Breaking via X:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Making waves on Reddit:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Spotted on Facebook:

No open job postings for “Warrior Poet” found in your area. Please try another search.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨