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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,608

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Freshly posted on X:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Shared recently on Facebook:

“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Going viral on X:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on the bus do not go round and round.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

Going viral on WeChat:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

2 months ago

0

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When someone asks why they would lie to you, it's like a mosquito asking why it bites. Nature, my friend, nature. 🦟😂

contradiction, honesty, humor, i, know, liar, lie, maybe, sarcasm, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

0

2 months ago

around, breath, everyone, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, i, lift, little, me, revolve, self-centered, weight, world
Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

0

2 months ago

app, communication, humor, relationship, talk, technology, where, wife, WifeChat
Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

0

2 months ago

6, absurdity, butter, cooking, food, humor, level, level 6, mood, someone, toaster, tonight
The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, bro, daily, daily grind, else, expectations, frustration, grind, humor, i, know, me, question, response, say, want, work, workplace
How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

0

2 months ago

advice, date, dating, dating advice, honesty, humor, idiot, know, let, love, new, new love, relationship, should, soon
I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

0

5 months ago

blame, even, ever, fault, having, humor, i, mean, office, problem, proof, right, sarcasm, sensuality, sex, sheer, someone, work, yours

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

36 shares on Slack this month:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

39 shares on Threads this month:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,255

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Spotted on Telegram:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Making waves on WeChat:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Trending via Facebook:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

Going viral on Threads:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

Making waves on Threads:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Just landed via Messenger:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

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