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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Halloween is cool, but nothing is spookier than my previous choices in men.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1934 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,096

Funny Quotes Topics

14,875

Funny Quotes Images

12,096

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Spotted on Instagram:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Just shared via Slack:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Live now on WeChat:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Just shared via Reddit:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

Broadcasted on X:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Just landed via YouTube:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.
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Commentary:
When someone asks why they would lie to you, it's like a mosquito asking why it bites. Nature, my friend, nature. 🦟😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1934 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,096

Funny Quotes Topics

14,875

Funny Quotes Images

12,096

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,457

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Sarah Connor would be awfully disappointed in us all, letting this Grok into our lives.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Making waves on Discord:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Making waves on TikTok:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Reported on LinkedIn:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Broadcasted on Discord:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

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