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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I told ChatGPT about us.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,290

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

“Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

Trending via WeChat:

I need to consult the woods about this.

Just shared via YouTube:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Making waves on Pinterest:

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Spotted on Telegram:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Spotted on Twitch:

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

Making waves on Pinterest:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Embracing my inner chaos like a pro—who knew being delightfully unhinged was a life skill? 😂🙃🔧

attitude, being, bullshit, coping, everyday, graceful, gracefully, humor, life, only, resilience, through, unhinged

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

0

2 months ago

ever, finance, goodbye, humor, irony, mine, money, spending, wealth
Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

0

2 months ago

dental, dental visit, dentist, everyone, hate, humor, irony, try, visit, weigh
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

0

2 months ago

coffee, comfort, dollars, encouragement, hard, hard times, hug, humor, just, million, million dollars, support, thinking, times, want, wishful, wishful thinking
This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

0

5 months ago

activity, after, art, back, bring, call-in, calling, drunk, fan, fan activity, football, football season, game, getting, local, lost, lost art, need, radio, radio show, season, show, Teams
Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

0

4 months ago

attitude, cynic, high, humor, idealist, only, personality, sarcasm, standard, standards
Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

0

2 months ago

behavior, comedy, critique, good, humor, internet, media, most, newspaper, nose, online, online behavior, playful, sarcasm, satire, social, social media, Twitter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

Long story short, I survived.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

Just shared via WeChat:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

Seen just now on Threads:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

Trending via Telegram:

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Just landed via Telegram:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Trending via Snapchat:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Spotted on YouTube:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

Spotted on Twitch:

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨