Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,251

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Spotted on Reddit:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Spotted on Facebook:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Going viral on Telegram:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Do clouds ever look down on us and say, 'This one is shaping up to be a real drizzle!'? ☁️😆💦"

clouds, ever, humor, idiot, imagination, nature, observational, observational humor, sarcasm, say, us, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

0

2 months ago

face, frustration, glasses, hands, hold, humor, i, just, need, put, reaction, relatable, take, take off
Be the reason someone burns sage.

0

2 months ago

good, good vibes, humor, mindfulness, positivity, reason, sage, self-care, someone, vibes
I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

0

5 months ago

chill, even, full, ID, moon, werewolf
I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

0

2 months ago

activity, ball, dog, extravagant, fun, fun activity, great, humor, i, little, looks, pet, tux
Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

0

3 months ago

always, good, good thing, humor, joke, late, procrastination, punctuality, take, thing, things, time, why
Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

0

2 months ago

being, Chainsmokers, closer, college, dropped, experience, least, music, nostalgia, party, say, youth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

96 shares on Slack this month:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

56 shares on TikTok this month:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

Going viral on Facebook:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Just landed via TikTok:

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.

Live now on Facebook:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Live now on Reddit:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Trending via Snapchat:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

Live now on Snapchat:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Spotted on Slack:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

Be the reason someone burns sage.

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨