Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,255

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Just landed via X:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

Making waves on Twitch:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Making waves on Instagram:

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

Spotted on Slack:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

Spotted on Discord:

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

Freshly posted on Threads:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Morning innovation: microwaving’s overrated when you’re dressed for a second day adventure! 🍝🤣👕

breakfast, clothes, clothing, cold, cold food, eating, food, humor, laziness, morning, morning routine, ravioli, routine, still

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

0

2 months ago

breakup, broke, food, french, french fry, fry, guy, half, humor, i, loneliness, lonely, memory, once, relationship, snack, still, think
Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

0

2 months ago

building, carnage, chaos, event, humor, IKEA, imagine, team, team building, workplace
If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

0

2 months ago

advice, alert, caution, humor, kings, planet, relationship, remember, stay, stay alert, world
Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, bunker, dating, DM, DMs, humor, man, property, quarantine, shelter, survival
The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

0

2 months ago

bullshit, grass, greener, humor, life, only, perspective, reality, side
Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

0

2 months ago

enough, glasses, humor, seeing, seen, vision

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

85 shares on Slack this month:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

14 shares on X this month:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

17 shares on Slack this month:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Live now on WhatsApp:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Shared recently on Slack:

“You tryna hang?” Yeah bro, myself!

Going viral on Discord:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Freshly posted on X:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Breaking via TikTok:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨