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204 Funny am quotes

Trending Funny Am Quotes 🔥

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.
I am awake and ready to be disappointed.
Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”
The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.
Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

More funny am quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: In banana years, I am bread.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic existential crisis of bananas and bread 🍌🍞. One must ponder the ripe wisdom and toasty experience that comes with advancing in banana years while feeling as dependable as a loaf of bread. It's a carb-heavy journey, indeed! 🤔😄
5 months ago
Share →: The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Commentary:
"Parenting revelation: Toddler ears = cuteness overload 🙉🤣 Who knew they were just adorable accessories and not for listening to us adults? 🧒👂 #ToddlerLogic"
5 months ago
Share →: Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Commentary:
"Ah, the mystery of *fake it till you make it* in full swing! 🤷‍♂️ It's like a surprise party thrown by your own actions – let's embrace the chaos and see what unfolds! 🎉😄"
5 months ago
Share →: I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Commentary:
"Looks like it's time for a shelf makeover! 🛠️ Don't worry, you're not expired, just a vintage classic ready for a little TLC. 💤 #TimeForANap"
5 months ago
Share →: I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Commentary:
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. 🌿🦊 Who knew veggies could be the silent enemies all along? Watch out, broccoli, I've got my eyes on you!"
5 months ago
Share →: I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Commentary:
Looks like we've got a mystery borrower on the loose! 🔍📚 Maybe they were reading about how to disappear without a trace? Regardless, let's hope they can solve the case of the missing books before Sherlock Holmes shows up at their door! 🕵️‍♂️🔎
5 months ago
Share →: I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Commentary:
Well, well, well, looks like someone underestimated the power of a donut! 🍩💥 Who knew something so innocent-looking could reveal a whole new side of you? 😂 Just remember, donut judge yourself too harshly!
5 months ago
Share →: If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

Commentary:
"Ah, the delightful paradox of self-awareness! 🤓🤦‍♂️ Sometimes it takes a touch of brilliance to truly appreciate our own silliness. Embrace the journey from stupidity to wisdom… or just laugh at your own clever stupidity along the way! 🤪🌟"
5 months ago
Share →: I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Commentary:
"Don't worry about setting the table for me, I come pre-canceled! 🙅‍♂️🚫 Let's just cut to the chase and plan a rain check instead! ☔😄"
5 months ago
Share →: If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Commentary:
Don't worry, my friend! When it comes to cheese, there's no such thing as "too much" – just ask any cheese lover! 🧀🧀 So go ahead and add that extra sprinkle of cheesy goodness with confidence! Just remember, life is always better with a little extra cheese! 🧀😄