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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

19 minutes ago

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Going viral on Facebook:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Welcome to your 40s, the best part of your day is now the heated seats in your car after a long day.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Just landed via Slack:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Seen just now on Facebook:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

Just shared via Facebook:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Trending via Messenger:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Home » Funny Bottle Quotes » Page 3

23 Funny bottle quotes

More funny bottle quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Commentary:
"Pro tip: Keep a cheap bottle of wine handy at all times – it's like a hospitality safety net for family gatherings! 🍷😄 Just make sure it's tasty enough to avoid any awkward conversations 😉 #FamilyTime"
6 months ago
Share →: For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Commentary:
"Who needs deep conversations when you've got a bottle to pour out all your woes? 🍷 Thanksgiving goals: keep the wine flowing and the questions to a minimum! 😂 #CheersToAvoidingAwkwardChats"
6 months ago
Share →: Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Commentary:
"Sound advice: Take your medicine and avoid mini humans – nobody wants a headache, especially not from mischievous kiddos! 🤕💊👶"

For even more funny bottle quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny bottle quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

19 minutes ago

3,450

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

You are the Monday of my life.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

Trending via Reddit:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

Making waves on Instagram:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Trending via Instagram:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Just shared via Twitch:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Trending via Telegram:

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Freshly posted on X:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

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