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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s Monday. Please lower your voice and expectations.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Dec 12, 2025

3,759

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Making waves on WeChat:

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Seen just now on Discord:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Just landed via Telegram:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

Home » Funny Command Quotes

Funny command quotes

Funny command quotes are the perfect blend of wit and authority that make you chuckle while taking orders 😄💼 Whether you’re bossing around your friends or need a laugh during a busy workday, these clever lines turn commands into comedy gold 🎭✨ Get ready to smile and maybe even obey—because who knew instructions could be this fun? 😂👉 #CommandTheLaughs

New funny command quotes 👇

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

1 month ago
am, boss, command, conversation, driver, driving, humor, i, job, joke, left, love, me, navigation, nobody, own, said, taxi, taxi driver, today, turn
It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

1 month ago
command, even, frustration, humor, irony, joke, relationship, sarcasm, wish
Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

1 month ago
arrested, chain, chain of command, charge, city, comedy, comedy idea, command, concept, funny concept, idea, leader, librarian, major, major city, people, person, running, sitcom, top, unexpected, unexpected leader, where
If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

1 month ago
another, belief, command, God, humor, kill, morality, religion
Alexa, play everyone that played me.

3 months ago
Alexa, assistant, command, everyone, funny command, humor, joke, me, music, music request, play, played, request, technology, voice, voice assistant

All funny command quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Dec 12, 2025

3,629

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

Just landed via X:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

Going viral on Facebook:

Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

Shared recently on Discord:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Making waves on Discord:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Spotted on Messenger:

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

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