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Cooking skills so advanced, I'm now a certified smoke signaler 🍕🔥😆
149 Funny decision quotes
Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.
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Sounds like I'm the same comedian whether I'm sipping tea or tequila 🤔🎭🥃
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.
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When your brain insists on being your heart's chaperone 😄🧠❤️
Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.
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"Why blame peer pressure when I can self-sabotage like a pro? 💪😆"
If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.
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Into the unknown like a curious cat! Just hope it's not a portal to Monday morning. 🚪🐈⬛✨
I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.
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Trying to compliment my life decisions is like giving myself a participation trophy for a dodgeball game I never showed up to 😂🏆
Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.
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"Decisions, decisions… Looks like my to-do list just got a plot twist! 📚🍕🧽 #Priorities"
If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.
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"Lost but never hungry! 🍪🛒😂 If you find me in the snack aisle, just bring a cart!"
All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.
Commentary:
"Is there a return policy on life choices? Asking for a friend. 🤔😂 #FreeWillFails"
I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.
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"Trying to escape the internet like 🏃♂️💨 but it’s all 'Wait, are you sure you want to dump me?' 😂✌️"