158 funny drink quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

May 24, 2026

Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

May 24, 2026

My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.

May 24, 2026

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

May 24, 2026

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

May 24, 2026

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

May 23, 2026

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

May 23, 2026

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

May 23, 2026

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

May 23, 2026

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

May 23, 2026

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

May 23, 2026

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

May 23, 2026

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

May 23, 2026

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

May 23, 2026

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

May 23, 2026

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

May 23, 2026

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

May 23, 2026

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

May 23, 2026

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

May 23, 2026

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

May 23, 2026

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

May 22, 2026

Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

May 22, 2026

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

May 22, 2026

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

May 22, 2026

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

May 22, 2026

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

May 22, 2026

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

May 22, 2026

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

May 22, 2026

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

May 22, 2026

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

May 22, 2026

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

May 22, 2026

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

May 22, 2026

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

May 22, 2026

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

May 22, 2026

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

May 22, 2026

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

May 22, 2026

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

May 22, 2026

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

May 22, 2026

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

May 22, 2026

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

May 22, 2026