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Updated: May 23, 2026

 

 

 

 

158 Funny drink quotes

Funny drink quotes celebrate those moments when our beverage choices lead to laughter and good times! 🍹😂 Whether it’s the hilarious struggle of making the perfect coffee, pretending that wine is a food group, or the chaos of spilling your drink at the wrong time, these quotes remind us that sometimes the best conversations happen over a drink. Cheers to the comedy in every sip! 🥤🍷🍸

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

Posted onMar 31, 2026

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Posted onMar 31, 2026

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Posted onMar 30, 2026

“AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

Posted onMar 29, 2026

I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

I only drink when I people.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

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