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59 Funny drunk quotes

Funny drunk quotes 🍻 have a way of capturing those hilarious, wine-fueled moments we can’t help but laugh about the next day 😂. Whether it’s slurred wisdom or epic fails, these quotes bring out the comedic side of our tipsy adventures 🥴. Perfect for sharing with friends or reliving those memorable nights, they’re sure to keep the laughter flowing as freely as the drinks 🥂. Cheers to the funnier side of life! 🎉

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

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