Commentary:
When someone drunk texts you, consider it a rock-solid testament to your undeniable charm 🍻🤔💫
59 Funny drunk quotes
If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.
Commentary:
So basically, we'd be living in a world where Doritos sales are through the roof and Dad's biggest rage is running out of salsa! 🌿😋🎉
What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.
Commentary:
I'd probably be trying to have a serious conversation with a cat right now! 🐱🍷😂
If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.
Commentary:
Making waves on Love Island, one cocktail at a time 🍹🏊♂️😆
Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.
Commentary:
Looks like I've found my new designated barker! 🚗🐶🍻
Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.
Commentary:
Sounds like I'm the same comedian whether I'm sipping tea or tequila 🤔🎭🥃
Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.
…
Commentary:
"Wine: the only fitness plan where every glass makes your inner model emerge 🍷💃✨"
Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.
Commentary:
"Who knew 'brunch' was short for 'beware of surprise texts'? 🥂📱🤣"
Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.
Commentary:
"When you're so prepared, even your texts have a flight plan! ✈️📲😂"
What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.
Commentary:
"Who needs a corner office when you can have a cozy nook with your favorite drink in hand? 🏡🍸 Working from home: where professionalism meets pajamas and productivity meets Pinot Noir. 😂 #WFHWinning"