Commentary:
Don't worry, with my trusty tweezers, you'll be the smoothest sleeper in the ICU 😂💤🔍
361 Funny ever quotes
Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?
Commentary:
Who needs a cat's nine lives when you've got childhood antics keeping you on your toes! 🤸♂️😅🧁
You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.
Commentary:
Like wanting a donut so much it makes me mad that I didn't buy a dozen 🍩😤 #CrushingHard
I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.
Commentary:
"Guess I peaked with my comedy career at 10 likes 😂✨ #StandUpLegend"
“Kiss From a Rose” makes you think Batman Forever is the most romantic movie ever made.
Commentary:
Move over, Titanic! Batman Forever is the true love story 😂🌹🦇
Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?
Commentary:
That's some next-level ghost-busting, where you vanish first! 👻✌️✨
Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.
Commentary:
Chasing the dream since the playground days! 🏖️😴 #RetirementGoals
Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.
Commentary:
When it comes to cheese, my heart says "just keep grating" and my wrist says "seriously, I'm tired now" 🧀❤️😂
Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.
Commentary:
I call it psychic irritation, and I'm never wrong 😂🔮😤
Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?
Commentary:
Taking procrastination to an Olympic level, one warm cycle at a time! 🔄👕😅