Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,583

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Spotted on Threads:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Shared recently on Threads:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Spotted on Pinterest:

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Going bananas on Threads:

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Breaking via Instagram:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Going bananas on Reddit:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Funny floating quotes

Funny floating quotes are like little bursts of laughter that effortlessly drift into your day 🌬️😂 Whether you’re scrolling through feeds or need a quick mood lift, these witty words float around, bringing smiles and good vibes only 😄✨ Get ready to catch some humor in the air and let the giggles take flight! 🎈🎉

New funny floating quotes 👇

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

0

2 months ago

5, 9, 9 to 5, cosmic, daily, daily grind, floating, grind, humor, irony, reasonable, rock, sounds, space, work
Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, around, conspiracy, conspiracy theory, floating, give, high, humor, intelligence, IQ, low, me, satire, theory, too
Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

0

2 months ago

away, brain, floating, humor, meaning, only, skull, thing, thought, unburdened
Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, bald, being, every, floating, humor, imagine, joke, just, mirror, time, toupée, vampire, walk
Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

0

3 months ago

absolutely, around, calling, day, doing, doing nothing, floating, got, hr, humor, insult, jellyfish, just, nothing, office, office humor, sent, someone, workplace

All funny floating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

17 shares on Slack this month:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

75 shares on TikTok this month:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,271

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

Just shared via Twitch:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Making waves on Facebook:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Just shared via Instagram:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

Trending via Messenger:

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

Going viral on Facebook:

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

Just landed via Twitch:

People in their late 20s and early 30s are like “this is my emotional support trip to Japan.”

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