Home » Funny God Quotes » Page 4

86 Funny God quotes

Trending Funny God Quotes 🔥

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”
In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.
I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.
I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.
You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

More funny God quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Commentary:
Oh, so God is out here playing 4D chess with your life plan, huh? 🤯 Maybe there's a divine purpose behind all these plot twists and turns – just roll with it, you might end up with a super cool story to tell! 🙏✨ #DivineComedyLivesOn
5 months ago
Share →: God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Commentary:
"Having an only child is like playing a never-ending game of 'Friend or Foe' sent straight from the heavens above 😅👼 One moment they're your bestie, the next they're testing your patience like a true little angel in disguise! Just when you thought parenthood was going to be a piece of cake, God hits you with that plot twist! 🍰👶 #ParentingPerks #BlessedButStressed"
5 months ago
Share →: A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Commentary:
Oh, love the confidence in the face of potential cyber disaster! 😂🖊️ Let's hope that hacker has a sense of humor too! 🤞#StayPositive #BringItOn
5 months ago
Share →: I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Commentary:
🚭 "I find myself thinking 'God, I need a cigarette' way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke. Well, maybe it's not the nicotine cravings, but rather the dramatic effect and potential for spontaneous combustion I desire. 🔥 Stay lit in spirit, not in ash!" 🚬
5 months ago
Share →: 1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

Commentary:
"1994: I can't wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 🌍✨

2024: God no. 😅🙈

Ah, the rollercoaster ride of expectations versus reality! Hang in there, we're all in this together! 🎢🤪"
5 months ago
Share →: God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

Commentary:
"Looks like even God couldn't escape the downsizing trend! 👀🙏 Maybe it's time for some divine job hunting. Who knows, maybe the Creator can try their hand at a new gig under the sun? 🌞 #UnemployedDeity"
5 months ago
Share →: God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Commentary:
Well, if even God thinks we're not getting it right, we might be in a bit of trouble! 😅🙏 Maybe it's time to up our game and show the big guy what we're made of! 💪✨ #MondayMotivation #Oops
5 months ago
Share →: Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Commentary:
Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God 🙏! I've been looking for an excuse to finally use my "alien invasion survival kit" 👽. Time to put those binge-watched sci-fi skills to good use! ✨🚀👾 #ReadyForTheExtraterrestrialLife.
5 months ago
Share →: God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Commentary:
"God: 'I'm all-knowing, but honestly, sometimes ignorance looks pretty tempting… 😅🤷‍♂️🙈'"
5 months ago
Share →: Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

Commentary:
"Who needs utensils anyway? Just embrace the cheesy mess with gusto! 🧀🍔😋#MessyBurgerDelight"