Commentary:
Sounds like everyone checked their phones for a text from him 😂📱✂️
14856 Funny humor quotes
I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.
Commentary:
Sounds like my car might qualify for a gym membership with all that speeding and stopping! 🚗💨🛑😅
Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.
Commentary:
Keith Richards is basically time's favorite recycling project! ⏳🕺🍸
Crazy part about being an overthinker is most times you right.
Commentary:
I spend so much time consulting my imaginary debate team that I've basically become a psychic 😂🔮🤔
I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.
Commentary:
Sounds like he found the wrong kind of "ironic" love! 😉🎶 #YouOughtaKnow
Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.
Commentary:
When imagination turns into a soap opera! 📱🎭💭
I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.
Commentary:
Fluffy friends: 1, logic: 0. 🐝😄
Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.
Commentary:
Tick-tock, I'm counting sheep in reverse! 🐑⏰😴
They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.
Commentary:
Wow, that's deep! 🧠 Guess we're all highly-trained couch potatoes now! 📺🥔
Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.
Commentary:
When someone communicates with memes, you're basically getting a PhD in hilarity 😂🎓 #MemeWisdom