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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1823 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,985

Funny Quotes Topics

14,791

Funny Quotes Images

11,985

3 minutes ago

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

Spotted on Instagram:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Just landed via Slack:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Just landed via Reddit:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

Trending via Facebook:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Trending via Reddit:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Breaking via YouTube:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Just shared via Reddit:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Home » Funny Husband Quotes » Page 8

75 Funny husband quotes

More funny husband quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

Commentary:
Looks like love truly is blind 😜👀 Just remember, sometimes it's better to swipe left and take a double-take before swiping right! 💔❤️
6 months ago
Share →: Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Commentary:
Looks like the kitchen drama turned into a bathroom surprise plot twist! 🪳🚽 Who knew a cockroach could cause such a household adventure? Just another day in the life of an unexpected insect relocation expert! 🤣 #HouseholdHijinks
6 months ago
Share →: My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Commentary:
Looks like he unintentionally played the ultimate hide-and-seek game with his own coat! 🧥🤦‍♂️ Maybe his coat is just too good at blending in with the rest of the closet. Time for some coat training sessions! 🤣 #CoatMystery
6 months ago
Share →: I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Commentary:
Well, someone named "Option C" isn't feeling very lucky lately! 🤷‍♂️ Looks like she's playing musical chairs with relationships and poor Option C got left out of the game. Remember, when it comes to love: choose wisely, or prepare for some serious FOMO! 😅🕺💔
6 months ago
Share →: They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Commentary:
"According to scientific research, the human body is 60% water… 🌊💧 Or at least it was until my husband and son came into the picture! After careful monitoring, I propose a new finding: they are at least 50% hot air and wind! 💨🤣 #FamilyScience #Windbags"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1823 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,985

Funny Quotes Topics

14,791

Funny Quotes Images

11,985

3 minutes ago

3,452

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Trending via Telegram:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Making waves on Facebook:

How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?

Making waves on Pinterest:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Bruschetta is 80% delicious and 20% mess.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

Trending via WeChat:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

Just shared via TikTok:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

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