97 Funny husband quotes

• I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

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  2 weeks ago

  child, children, ed, family, humor, husband, multitasking, opinion, parenting, phone, pregnancy, run, scrolling, sex, sex ed, should, strong, taught, third, through, weeks, while, wild, woman

• My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

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  3 weeks ago

  family, future, future husband, humor, husband, i, joke, kid, kids, parent, parenting, parents, stay-at-home, stay-at-home parent, work

• My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

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  3 weeks ago

  Christmas, December, decoration, decorations, easier, family, family life, holiday, house, humor, husband, life, moved, moving, said, taking

• Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

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  4 weeks ago

  ask, call, communication, humor, husband, let, me, overuse, phone, phone call, phrase, relationship, said, wait

• My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

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  1 month ago

  another, argument, called, fight, humor, husband, i, limited, limited sery, marriage, relationship, series, sery, storytelling, thing, turn

• Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

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  1 month ago

  afraid, Facebook, Facebook Marketplace, fear, funny situation, guy, husband, kidnap, kidnapped, marketplace, me, online, online purchase, pick, pickup, purchase, sent, shell, situation, something, wife, wife fear

• Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

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  1 month ago

  annoyance, annoyed, driving, gasp, humor, husband, marriage, over, relationship, super, where, while

• I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

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  1 month ago

  angel, chat, coordination, fate, future, future husband, group, group chat, guardian, guardian angel, humor, husband, i, love, relationship, trying, wonder

• My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

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  2 months ago

  discontent, enjoying, future, future husband, humor, husband, jealousy, marriage, nice, relationship, seeds, summer, wife

• The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

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  2 months ago

  child, confusion, dog, family, humor, husband, noise, sleep, snoring, WTF

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