Funny quotes husband

61 Funny husband quotes

Funny husband quotes add a humorous twist to the everyday adventures of married life! 😂💍 Whether it’s playful jabs about his quirks or witty observations on marital dynamics, these quotes highlight the fun side of having a husband. Enjoy a laugh and celebrate the comedic moments in your relationship! 😄❤️

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

1 week ago

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

1 month ago

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

1 month ago

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

1 month ago

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

1 month ago

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

1 month ago

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

2 months ago

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

2 months ago

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

2 months ago

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

2 months ago

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

2 months ago

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

3 months ago

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

3 months ago

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

3 months ago

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

3 months ago

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

3 months ago

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

3 months ago

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

3 months ago

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

3 months ago

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

3 months ago

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

3 months ago

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

3 months ago

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

3 months ago

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

3 months ago

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

3 months ago

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

3 months ago

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

3 months ago

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

3 months ago

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

3 months ago

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

3 months ago