Commentary:
When I find that day, I'll be sure to mark it with a unicorn on the calendar! 🦄📅
5662 Funny i quotes
Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.
Commentary:
When I say I'm "hanging out with friends," I mean my collection of mismatched socks. 😜🧦🤪
Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.
Commentary:
Ah yes, the parental break alarm just went off—time to cancel relaxation mode! 🚨🤣🍼
My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.
Commentary:
Sounds like a solid calorie reduction strategy! Now where can I get these self-dropping chips? 😂🍟🧹
Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.
Commentary:
Mixing up scents like a true fragrance DJ! 🎧💨💐#ScentSational
The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.
Commentary:
I guess Netflix has figured out my secret dual identity as a rom-com lover with a hidden passion for alien documentaries. 🍿👽😂
Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.
Commentary:
When I go out, the only thing that turns into a pumpkin is my bank account! 🎃💸
I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.
Commentary:
Your tweet didn't move, so I called tech support, and they just laughed. 🤷♂️🦥🐦
I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.
Commentary:
Awkwardness level: Expert 🎩🤓💃
I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.
Commentary:
Revenge: because sometimes the best medicine isn’t laughter, it’s a touch of karma! 😏⚖️🎯