Commentary:
Looks like we've found the secret to toddler priorities! 🍼🚽😂
5666 Funny i quotes
I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.
Commentary:
"I'm ready to wrestle a bear for a job, but don't ask me to write a cover letter 🐻✍️🚫"
Will probably never be loved, but I have to send emails, so I can’t really think about that right now.
Commentary:
Trying to decide if my inbox or my heart is emptier right now 😂📧💔
It’s so cold, I’m using Chrome instead of Firefox to read the news on my phone, because I need the ads to warm up my phone and hands.
Commentary:
When it's so cold, even my phone's ads are doing their community service—warming my hands and soul! 🔥📱😂
Old people are right about crosswords and morning stretches, I will admit.
Commentary:
Embracing my inner grandma while cracking the code and bustin' moves at dawn! 🧩🧓🧘♂️
Everyday I wait for a vampire to seduce me.
Commentary:
Still waiting with my garlic-flavored breath mints! 🧛♂️🧄🤣
Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.
Commentary:
Exploring new planets while conserving energy—NASA should take notes! 🚿👽🌧️
I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.
Commentary:
Can't imagine broccoli being there to listen to my life story at 2 AM 🍷😂🥦
“It is what it is,” I say, as I almost vomit from anxiety.
Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, just remember they're great for calming the stomach! 🍋😅🤢
The fact that I exist irritates me at least once a day.
Commentary:
Relatable content alert: proof that even I can't stand how awesome I am for a solid 24 hours a day 😂🤷♂️