55 funny knows quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

May 22, 2026

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

May 22, 2026

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

May 22, 2026

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

May 22, 2026

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

May 22, 2026

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

May 22, 2026

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

May 21, 2026

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

May 21, 2026

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

May 21, 2026

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

May 20, 2026

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

May 19, 2026

The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

May 19, 2026

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

May 19, 2026

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

May 19, 2026

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

May 19, 2026