220 Funny little quotes

• There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

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  2 months ago

  bouncer, emotions, heart, humor, little, love, room, still, stricter, year’s

• Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

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  2 months ago

  best, best friend, broke, daughter, family, friend, having, humor, little, parenting, relationships, rich

• Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

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  2 months ago

  appliance, autonomy, dial, free, free will, humor, kitchen, little, toaster

• Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

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  2 months ago

  call, call out, day, everyone, humor, launch, little, next, prank, soft, soft launch, stomach, weird, work

• I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

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  2 months ago

  donut, donuts, food, guy, humor, hungry, i, kids, knows, little, misunderstanding, nephew, right, thanks, think, work

• I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

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  2 months ago

  better, communication, eavesdropping, enunciate, fight, hear, humor, i, little, neighbors, relationship, strife, wish

• Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

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  2 months ago

  big, brussels, Brussels sprout, cabbage, comedy, food, humor, invention, joke, little, satire, sell, sprout, vegetable

• I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

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  2 months ago

  afraid, alive, cemetery, death, fear, ghost, hand, humor, i, joke, kid, little, me, told, too, used

• I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

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  2 months ago

  cat, freeloading, homicidal, humor, i, little, love, maniac, me, sigh, stress

• Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

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  2 months ago

  away, evening, funny moment, humor, i, little, me, memory, moment, nature, rabbit, remember, running, squirrel, squirrels, walk, wildlife

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