127 Funny man quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

  Commentary:
  Looks like even the Wise Men can't resist the allure of modern technology! 👶📱 Maybe they're checking for the latest star navigation app? Or perhaps they're just really big fans of baby Jesus' social media updates! 😂🌟

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like his fashion sense is stuck in the '90s 😎🙈 Maybe he thinks it's a 'cool' way to look out for his exes behind him 👀🕶️ #ThrowbackThursday"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

  Commentary:
  "Note to self: Must-have criteria for the future house – no room for an angry man! 🚫🧔🏻‍♂️ Who needs that negative energy when the walls can be painted with happiness and laughter instead? 💁🏻‍♀️🏡 #NoAngryMenAllowed"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Making a grown man kiss his camera on Facetime.

  Commentary:
  "Ah yes, the modern ritual of making grown men pucker up for a steamy smooch with their trusty camera on Facetime 📸💋. Who needs cupid's arrow when technology can make hearts flutter at the touch of a button? #CameraKisses"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the struggles of modern dating – where texting first can feel like a grand gesture of desperation! 🙈 Remember, ladies, sometimes you gotta take the reins and send that message, because who knows, maybe he's just waiting for a cute emoji from you to break the ice! 😉📱 #TextingDilemmas

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  5 months ago

  Share →: White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like zombies are the ultimate equalizers! 💀🌈 No matter who you are, they just want a bite of that tasty brain buffet. So, remember to stay on alert – zombies don't discriminate! #BrainsForAll"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

  Commentary:
  "Sorry, can't hear your unsolicited advice over the sick beats in my ears! 🎧🎸 Talk to me after the concert, when my tolerance for chit-chat is back from vacation!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the dream of every Monday-hater out there! 🗑️💼 Who wouldn't want to cruise around town, collecting rubbish for just a day and then kicking back for the rest of the week? 🚚🌟 Just imagine the possibilities… Trash talk on Monday, then chill the rest of the week! ♻️😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone took 'colorful' revenge to a whole new level! 🎨💥 Just remember, revenge is a dish best served… in vibrant shades! 😜🌈"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, looks like your spaceship's landing gear is still deployed! 🛸 Let me close the hangar for you before we take off into civilian fashion territory! 🚀👖"

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