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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,739

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Just landed via Pinterest:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Making waves on WeChat:

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Going viral on X:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Trending via WeChat:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Spotted on Twitch:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Just landed via Slack:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

248 Funny new quotes

More funny new quotes 👇

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

0

5 months ago

alternative, animal, animals, burger, crazy, crazy idea, food, food innovation, idea, innovation, invent, invention, lab-grown, lab-grown meat, mammoth, meat, meat alternative, new, new animal, should, something
Starting a new life today, bye.

0

5 months ago

fresh, fresh start, goodbye, humor, life, new, new life, short, short quote, start, starting, today
Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

0

5 months ago

3, benefit, day, days, disease, health, humor, immunity, job, job benefit, life, months, new, new job, office, office humor, sick, sick day, starting, work, work life
Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

0

5 months ago

brand, excited, excitement, humor, motivation, new, procrastination, sarcasm, self sabotage, super, week
When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

0

5 months ago

friend, friends, homeless, homelessness, housewarming, housewarming party, humor, i, igloo, joke, me, moved, moving, new, party, surprise, surprise party
Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places.

0

5 months ago

change, evil, favorite, favorite product, frustration, hiding, humor, new, people, places, product, products, shopping, supermarket, things, well
My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

0

5 months ago

Bluetooth, daughter, disappeared, family, item, just, karaoke, karaoke mic, lost, lost item, mic, mystery, new, sad, sadness
Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

0

5 months ago

50s, coffee, hangover, happy, happy hour, hour, morning, mornings, new, welcome, where

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All funny new quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Twitch this month:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

83 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m getting targeted ads about chin fat and I’m offended by the relevance.

67 shares on Slack this month:

I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I must retire to my chambers about this.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

Just landed via Reddit:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Just landed via Threads:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Just landed via Slack:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Just shared via Reddit:

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

Making waves on Facebook:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Broadcasted on X:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

Activity Log ✨

248 Funny new quotes

More funny new quotes 👇

All funny new quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨