271 Funny night quotes

• I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

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  3 weeks ago

  always, bed, bring, glass, humor, i, knock, knock over, me, middle, night, over, routine, sleep, something, water

• This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

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  3 weeks ago

  bathroom, big, exaggeration, fear, funny story, glass, humor, last, me, night, phobia, postcard, put, spider, story, time

• A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

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  3 weeks ago

  babysitter, challenge, dating, Friday, Friday night, good, good man, hard, man, night, night out

• I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

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  3 weeks ago

  again, cycle, day, every, habits, i, late, morning, next, night, over, procrastination, regret, repeat, routine, sleep, stay

• Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

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  3 weeks ago

  bed, door, night, rose, Titanic

• I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

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  3 weeks ago

  9pm, activity, flow, gal, humor, night, parallel, parking, preference, spontaneity

• I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

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  3 weeks ago

  adulting, change, check, day, forecast, good, humor, i, laundry, life, life change, next, night, party, priorities, used, weather

• Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

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  3 weeks ago

  asleep, calculations, fall, fall asleep, humor, insomnia, math, night, rest, right, skills, sleep, spend

• My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

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  3 weeks ago

  lazy, morning, nap, night, sleep, tired

• Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

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  3 weeks ago

  always, back, bed, bedtime, creature, humor, kid, night, parenting, sleep, thirstiest, times, whole, world

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