112 funny once quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

Mar 31, 2026

Just once, I’d love to underthink a situation.

Mar 31, 2026

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Mar 31, 2026

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Mar 31, 2026

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

Mar 31, 2026

You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

Mar 31, 2026

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Mar 31, 2026

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

Mar 31, 2026

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

Mar 31, 2026

That feeling when it’s Friday, you blink once, and somehow it’s Monday again.

Mar 30, 2026

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Mar 30, 2026

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Mar 30, 2026

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

Mar 30, 2026

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Mar 30, 2026

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Mar 30, 2026

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Mar 30, 2026

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

Mar 30, 2026

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Mar 30, 2026

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

Mar 29, 2026

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Mar 29, 2026

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Mar 29, 2026

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

Mar 29, 2026

You only live once and thank God for that.

Mar 29, 2026

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

Mar 29, 2026

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

Mar 29, 2026

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Mar 28, 2026

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Mar 28, 2026

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Mar 28, 2026

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Mar 28, 2026

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Mar 28, 2026

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Mar 28, 2026

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Mar 28, 2026