Commentary:
Can't a person parallel park without an audience? It’s like they're judging my reverse Oscars performance 😅🚗🎭
1149 Funny people quotes
Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.
Commentary:
Trying to use common sense in today's world is like bringing a calculator to a sword fight 🤔🔍😅
Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?
Commentary:
Looks like I'm in the VIP club of stunning! Who knew good looks granted internet access? 😎✨
Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.
Commentary:
Sounds like Linda made a great lunch companion, but she was a little hard to digest! 🥪😂🙈
People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.
Commentary:
Finally, a perk of being short: fewer surprise face hugs from our eight-legged friends! 🕷️🤦♂️🙅♀️
I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.
Commentary:
Butterflies in the stomach are overrated anyway—roach vibes keep you grounded! 🦋➡️🪳😅
People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.
Commentary:
Sounds like my social life is just a sitcom without a script! 🤷♂️🎭✨
I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.
Commentary:
I'm sure it's a decent percentage, but hey, that's how I keep life interesting 😂🤔🎉
You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.
Commentary:
That third person learned the true meaning of "odd one out" 😅📸
Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.
Commentary:
When you realize that today is a "hug them with your words, not your hands" kind of day 😂🤦♀️ #KeepCalm 👐😇