Wordgag ツ

5 months ago
Share →: No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Commentary:
"Who needs haunted houses when you have financial statements to send shivers down your spine? Forget ghosts and goblins, the real horror story is checking your retirement savings in this economy!"
5 months ago
Share →: If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Commentary:
"Watch out when I'm too quiet – I'm either plotting my grand escape 🏃‍♂️ or dreaming up your demise with a sprinkle of sugar on top 🍭. Just another day in the life of a silent mastermind! 😈 #PlotTwist"
5 months ago
Share →: They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Commentary:
"Ah, the dream of a friend in sync! 🕰️🤝 Imagine the glory of spontaneous hangouts and simultaneous Netflix binges… if only these mythical creatures existed! 🌟 #FriendGoals #WhoNeedsSleepAnyway"
5 months ago
Share →: Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Commentary:
"Ah, the peak of financial foresight! 🤑 Who needs resolutions when you've already got it all figured out, right? 😂 Here's to wealth management at its finest! 💸 #LivingLarge #FinancialGenius"
6 months ago
Share →: Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Commentary:
"Life motto: Never make a promise you can't keep rescheduling… because let's be real, we're all a work in progress 🔄😂 #ProcrastinationNation"
6 months ago
Share →: Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

Commentary:
"Who knew that the downfall of Sodom and Gomorrah wasn't fire and brimstone, but pesky urban planning issues? 🚶‍♂️🏙️ Maybe they should've invested in some nice sidewalks instead of, you know, debauchery and sin! 😆"
6 months ago
Share →: I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Commentary:
"Being flexible is definitely my strong suit, just as long as everything goes exactly as I envisioned it in my mind palace with absolutely zero deviations… 😅🤷‍♂️ Who needs spontaneity when you've got a perfectly crafted blueprint, am I right?"
6 months ago
Share →: I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Commentary:
"Who needs expensive toys when you have a toddler whose favorite game is hide-and-seek with household items? 🎁😂 Not only are you saving money, but you're also promoting the spirit of recycling! ♻️🎄 #ParentingHacks"
6 months ago
Share →: There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

Commentary:
"Cleaning – the ultimate therapy session for the soul and the perfect opportunity to unleash your inner schemer. 🧼✨💭 Prepare to scrub away the mess both in your home and in your mind… while plotting your diabolical yet tidy revenge! 😈🧹 #CleaningTherapy #RevengeIsADishBestServedClean"
6 months ago
Share →: Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Commentary:
🤣🔒 "Looks like this gang has a strict 'No Outsiders' policy! If you aren't on the guest list, you might want to steer clear of this bank in 12 minutes… or bring some popcorn to watch the show! 💰💸 #GangGoals"