Commentary:
Wish I could order one on Amazon Prime—same-day delivery, please! 🧠📦😂
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.
Commentary:
When "with all due respect" is the appetizer, brace yourself for the main course of sass! 😅👀🍽️
I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.
Commentary:
Feeling generous until they actually reach out for the 27th time! 😂✉️🙈
Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.
Commentary:
Pasta doesn't need a window to its soul. I trust the noodles! 🥸🍝🔍
A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.
Commentary:
When she's right even when the universe is against you! 🤦♂️❤️🔮
Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.
Commentary:
When life gives you questions, just remember: some folks are serving answers à la carte! 🤔🙄🍽️
Not today, Satan, but next week works.
Commentary:
Sounds good, Satan—I'll pencil you in for next Tuesday! 📅😈😂
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.
Commentary:
"Tastes like my gym membership just got revoked 😂🥗➡️🍪"
I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.
Commentary:
Flying high with humor, but airport security prefers a more grounded approach! 😂✈️🚫
Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.
Commentary:
Well, how dare they serve me a reality check when I already ordered a full course of drama! 🍽️😤📦