336 Funny someone quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

  Commentary:
  "Need to know my mood? Just check my animal video sharing history – one moment it's adorable puppies melting your heart, the next it's a sassy cat serving up some serious attitude 😼🐶 #MoodSwingsInHD"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

  Commentary:
  "Trying to organize my thoughts is like trying to tidy up after a tornado in a thrift shop 🌪️🧹! My mind is a chaotic circus of random ideas bouncing around like excited puppies on a trampoline 🐶🦘. Who knew the junk drawer could be this lively and unpredictable? 🤪♻️"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs dating apps when you can have the riveting experience of conversing with tech support for hours without any progress 😂💔 #ModernDatingStruggles"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

  Commentary:
  Ah, the eternal struggle of the modern recluse on a quest for love! 🕵️‍♂️🚪 Who needs dating apps when you've got the mystery of the unknown neighbor next door or the dashing delivery person who brings your takeout? 🌮💌 Remember, romance can be found in the unlikeliest of places… like the laundry room or the self-checkout line at the grocery store! 🧺🛒 Just remember to

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

  Commentary:
  "Maybe the real final frontier is politely knocking before you boldly go! 🖖🚀😄 #SpaceEtiquette"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

  Commentary:
  "Parents, remember: what your kids claim to eat at someone else's house is like a mysterious buffet straight out of a fairy tale 🍭🍕🍔. Approach with caution and skepticism! 👀😄"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the art of passive-aggressive politeness at its finest 👏 You're always welcome for those unsolicited 'You're welcome!' moments. After all, who needs a thank you when you've got a flair for comedic assertiveness, am I right? 😉"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

  Commentary:
  "Words of wisdom from a harmonica connoisseur: Buying a used harmonica is like sharing a toothbrush, just don't do it! 🎶🚫 #MusicHumor #HygieneFirst"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like you were the official "hide and seek" champion of your high school years! 🏆 It's all fun and games until someone gets spotted first! 🔍😄

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

  Commentary:
  "Really, where's the extra incentive for drafting those *fire* emails, right? 💸💻 Who knew that a few dollar bills could make email chains more thrilling than a spy mission? 🔥💼 #TipMeIfYouLikeMyEmails"

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