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Enjoying my official title of 'Employed but Not Yet Obligated'! 😎🕺💼
209 Funny start quotes
I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.
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Inflatable faces: the latest trend in 3D selfies! 🎈😆📸
Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.
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Who knew job hunting was like dating, but with references? 😂📞🥸
I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.
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Here’s my new mantra for life: “If it makes sense to you, then it makes ‘dollars’ to me” 😂🤑 #ConfusionEconomics
You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.
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When they start calling you a superhero, but all you want is a nap! 🦸♂️🦸♀️😴
Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.
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Brain's got the latest software update but the memory chip keeps glitching! 🤯🔄😂
My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.
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Just signed up for a stretching class—consider it an investment in my future flexibility stock! 🤸♀️📈😂
Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”
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Clearly you've nailed the ultimate humble sign-off! Next up: "Yours truly, your clueless correspondent." 😂📧🤷♂️
If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.
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New dating app feature: customizable self-esteem levels… mine's stuck on 'Oops!' 😅💔
You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.
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When a series drops a banger, my remote goes missing because I'm too busy dancing! 💃🎶😂