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Funny Quotes Data šŸ¤“

New funny quotes: 15818 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

17,814 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 30, 2026

 

 

 

 

223 Funny take quotes

Funny take quotes šŸ˜‚šŸŽ­ are like the comedic superheroes of the quote universe, swooping in to save the day with a punchline and a wink. They’re the perfect blend of wisdom and wit, turning life’s curveballs into lighthearted laughs. Whether you need a giggle or a grin, these clever quips are here to tickle your funny bone and brighten your day with a delightful dose of humor. Get ready to chuckle! 🤣✨

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say ā€œguess where I amā€. The library?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s ā€œyou can’t driveā€.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying ā€œtake it or leave itā€ that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means ā€œeither eat this soup or throw yourself out the windowā€.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

ā€œJust circling back on this.ā€ – ā€œTake another lap.ā€

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

ā€œDon’t take this the wrong way!ā€ Translation: Prepare for insult.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, ā€œTake the thing off the thing,ā€ and he immediately knows what to do.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

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